Sunday, February 19, 2012

What I Miss About BF Kazim

i have stopped breastfeeding kazim. he's now 22 months old. it was a moment of sudden emptiness, a pinch of sadness, and missing a lot of moments. yes, it's also a little bit of a relief since for the past weeks he had been latching on empty - and that creates a lot of pain on my part. so we both had to let go.

i will miss a lot of the closeness, the touches, his tiny body in my arms, the smile on his face after a good ‘meal’, the satisfaction on his face as he falls asleep after each feed. mostly, the indescribable beautiful bf bond of mother and baby.

i will miss him falling asleep while i breastfed him – i know every mothers will recognize this look on their baby – the lentok look, eyes shut in a heavenly bliss of full tummy filled with mom’s glorious milk, mouth sometimes open in deep slumber, sometimes with a thin trail of breast milk still hanging from his lips – adorable!

i will miss that no matter how LOUD he cries, or how badly he is hurt, how hard he fell down, he immediately went silent the moment he knows he’s getting nursed. boobies always saved the day! haha.

i will miss the wonder i have on his sleeping position – his little body contorted according to the uneven curve of my cross-legged position as i breastfed him, head resting on mom’s hard knee-bone, one hand holding dangling on the side, and STILL managed to sleep, thanks to mom’s milk – selesa ke tido macam tu? i always chuckle in amazement.

i will miss him playing with his ear-lobes in his little chubby fingers as he latched on, eyes fixed on his hopes and dreams. most probably hopes of finally climbing that dining table and dreams of rummaging through neatly-folded stack of warm clothes.

i will miss this habit of his, developed when he’s about 18+ mths old – whenever i look at him as he breastfeeds, he would cover his eyes with his palm! yes, this seemingly shy-away action is hard to comprehend – and until now i wonder why he did it. it’s not an invitation to a peek-a-boo game, he just seemed – well, shy!

right now, miss breastfeeding even more whenever kazim is inconsolable, and i knew in my heart that no matter how tight i hug him, it’s not as comforting as when he’s nursed – that’s when he will feel he is safe.

well, now i gotta make sure he knows he’s safe in my arms no matter what. BF or not, my arms are still here for him to cuddle in. my lap is here for him to sleep on. the hugs will still be there in abundance, the kisses will be infinite. yes, even until the day kazim leaves for work on some big hot-shot job one fine day haha.

nowadays, when he sleeps, he needs to hold my hands, play with my fingers, and then fall asleep. i don’t mind. after breastfeeding stops, it’s nice to know that mom’s warmth is still needed.


Nadiah Sidek said...

now dapatkan adik untuk kazim. hihi..

amirah said...

kak, kazim nak dpt adik ke? journey memang sgt indah kan kak...m still breastfeeding ahmad sbb tk smp hati nk wean him off..masa tido dia asik cranky menangis..perut dh besar sgt and memang x comfortable lagi untuk bf tp demi anak ttp la jugak..

Syigim said...

>> nadiah, one fine day insyaAllah. girl, pls!!! ;D

>> amirah, kak pun xsampai hati.. slalu ckp "nanti lah dulu.." tp sbb mmg dah kering pun... amirah kalau memudaratkan kena try jgk wean him off tp ade jgk yg berjaya bf smpai baby klua ;) moga Allah give u the best ok :)

Zulaikha Mohamad said...

teringat plak time wean off Arsyad..Alhamdulillah sgt mudah and tup2 i pregnant kan Farrel 9 months pregnant berehat seketika from breastfeeding, now continue balik with Farrel..klau teringat2 nk bg tu, time for Kazim to have a baby sister la tuh.. hehe.. :-)

ICA said...

Syigim....22 months! Good for you. I had to stop at only 8 months with Azra.....and I still miss those moments as well. Can surely relate. And of course, I'll pray that Kazim will get a new baby sister soon.... baru boleh geng with my girls...:))

take care ya.

Liz Rohaizat said...

awwww... sweet! hanya yg bf anak je akan terangguk-angguk sambil baca entry akak nie. hehehe

hannan said...

It must been hard for both of u kn..but I'm still proud of u for bf 22months! So does it hurts when kazim stopped bf?

Syigim said...

>> zulaikha, alhamdulillah big bro arsyad gave way to lil bro rupanya :) pandai dia make it easy for mama :) baby sister yes! tp not too soon hihi...

>> ica dear, 8 months or 2yrs, most importantly we did our best as far as we can stretch it. :) insyaAllah if nk bg rezeki lg let it be a girl :)

Syigim said...

>> liz, happy that you can relate :) tu lah kan.. semua mak mak sure xperience ni masa bf :)

>> hannan, yes alhamdulillah 22mths! it hurts a little, but time to build new moments! :)

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